The Torah portion, Toldos, at its end, tells how upset our biblical forebearers, Yitzchak and Rivka, became when their elder son, Esau, took a wife from the daughters of the reviled Canaanites, known for their immoral and contemptible ways. Rivka, in particular, was so upset that she seemed to imply by her words that Esau's marital choice made her sick, even suicidal (see Genesis, ch. 27, v. 46).

While perhaps not as verbal as his father, Avraham, or his son, Yaakov, Yitzchak took up the cudgels in support of his beloved Rivka, in defense of his family heritage, and with a mind to the destiny of K'lal Yisrael, and challenged Yaakov not to make the same terrible mistake in matters of love and marriage. What is most interesting, though, is the manner in which Yitzchak communicated his dire warning to Yaakov. He did not speak to Yaakov harshly, and did not upbraid him or threaten him. Rather, he "called for" Yaakov, letting him know that he was going to address this most serious topic with him, thus enabling Yaakov to brace for a most somber and serious topic of conversation (see Genesis, Ch. 28, v.1). Then, Yitzchak first "blesses" his son, offering terms of endearment, and then, and only then, did he "instruct" his son as to the dreaded Canaanites (id.).

We might all do well to learn from the timeless example of our forefather, Yitzchak—i.e., that when we need to talk about uncomfortable topics with those we love, we must do so in an envelope of love and sweetness, with a soft, tender voice, and a warm smile. This is far better than its obverse - anger and screaming, harsh tones, and a bitter  countenance. Honey is, after all, better and sweeter than vinegar.

This is a lesson for the ages. Ponder it well, dear friends.

In devoted friendship,

Ely J. Rosenzveig, Rabbi

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